Life with Wanda

Young, Dumb and full of…

Do you remember when you were young, dumb and full off… ridiculous ideas of how the world actually worked?

There are those times as an adult when you look back and wonder, “what was I thinking?”  With maturity, it’s easy to look back and laugh at our ignorance, all the while smiling at our innocence. It’s funny how the things that kept us up at night as a teenager, now, literally seems like child’s play. How could we have been so naive?

Most of us, if given the opportunity, would love to send a note back in time to our younger selves and give them a few words of wisdom, advice or in some cases, warnings about what to do or not do. And then there are those of us who have a mother who thinks why put off for tomorrow what you can do today…

Like most teenagers, my senior year of high school was bittersweet and filled with lasting memories. This was a time when I was filled with mixed emotions.  On one had, I was so excited about the prospects of the future but at the same time quite fearful of what was to come.  All of my friends were fanning out to various colleges across the country.  Would we remain as close as we are today or would we grow apart?  But more importantly, how would Paul and I fair with this new chapter in our lives?

Paul was my high school sweetheart.  To me he was that guy.  You know the type… the neighborhood guy who you’ve grown up with and known most of your life.  He’s your friend but somehow you realize, as you get older, you really have a crush on him.  He’s an athlete but not a jock, does well in school but is by no means a nerd.  He’s the guy that your parents like and seem to trust since they never question your whereabouts when you’re out with him.  He was the date that didn’t expect to give up a quickie at the local hot-pillow motel in the hours after prom.  Instead he’s the guy that takes you for a walk along the south street seaport and buys you a late-night dessert before having your home in time for curfew.  Yep, Paul was one of the good ones.

Although I had known Paul for years, we only began dating during our senior year in high school.  But once we got together, no one could tell us we wouldn’t be together for the rest of our lives… and far be it from us to let a little thing like 4 years of college to get in the way of our plans to be together.  We had it all planned out.  He would soon be off to Morgan State University (a co-ed, historically Black university just outside of Baltimore, Maryland).  And I was going to attend a small, all-girls, liberal arts college just 45 minutes away in Frederick, Maryland.  We wanted to be “realistic” about how often we would be able to see each other given our course load, of course.  But since Paul had a car and only a short distance separated us, we didn’t see any reason why we couldn’t see each other EVERY weekend.  And since either of us had classes on the weekend, so this would be time we could spend together.  Of course there may be the occasion here and there where there is a school activity or things with our friends would come up… but we didn’t expect those times to come along too often.  We were in love and spending time together was all that mattered.

I’ll never forget the day that Wanda and I were packing the family car as I was preparing to head off to college.  My semester started a full week before Paul’s so he promised to come over to see me off.  And in typical Paul fashion, he was on time and helpful.  While we both knew this day would come, we still somehow found it hard not to cry, make promises and hold each other endlessly, never wanting to let go.  With a watchful eye, Wanda was witness to our young love.  I get the sense that she knew of our longing, gleamed the secret pact we had made to one another and felt it her duty to impart a little wisdom upon us.

If you think I am going to regale you with a description of the kind, gentle words of wisdom that Wanda imparted on two star-struck puppy lovers… you clearly haven’t read any of my earlier blogs. Helloooo people… this is Wanda we’re talking about. You know… the “fuck up not down” woman. (Yes. Her.)  Wanda handled this situation as only she could…

As Paul and I were embracing, crying and swearing our eternal love to each other, Wanda politely said ” sit down, I want to talk to you two”. Knowing my mother as I do, I was almost scared as to where this conversation was going and I gave Wanda one of my “please don’t embarrass me” looks. Undeterred and ignoring my glare, Wanda continued, “I know you guys love each other but I think you need to be a bit more realistic about what your lives will be like when you get to college.” She turned to Paul and said, “you are a good-looking young man and when you get to college, the girls are going to be all over you… and you all over them. But while I don’t doubt that you love my daughter and I wish the best for you guys, I do know that most high school relationships don’t last once they get to college.” And then turning to the two of us, she continued, “these college years will be some of the best years of your life. It is a time to live, explore and to be free to enjoy all that college life has to offer.” Free? Free?  Argghhh… here we go again. Did my mother just advise me, in front of my high school sweetheart to be free? Yes, but more importantly she told HIM in front of ME that HE should be free. Ugh.

At that moment, there were no words that could express my anger for Wanda. She had done some crazy things in the past but this… this to me was by far the most insane thing she had ever done. While I may have been used to Wanda’s antics and her unfiltered advise, until that moment Paul had never actually met Wanda… I had done a pretty good job of limiting his interactions to “Mom”. (Awww Sybil, a little warning of the sudden change in personality would have been useful here.)

I was almost afraid to look at Paul to see his reaction. But before I could even raise my eyes to look at him, he grabbed my hand and pulled me in to hug him. He held me tight, all the while telling me how much he loved me and that he would never do the things my mother said. He whispered in my ear “just ignore her. We will prove her wrong.”

Well, I wish I could say she was wrong… she wasn’t. We were barely at school a month before our relationship began to wane. Those “weekly” visits we planned never happened and eventually Paul confessed that he DID want to be free to date other people and fully explore college life. And truthfully, he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. While I may have been attending an all-girls school, the number of boys who crash a party given at an all-girls school usually out numbers the number of girls on campus.

When I look back on that day and remember how naive I was, I don’t fault Wanda for her blunt advise. Instead I laugh. I laugh at how young and dumb we were.  I laugh at what I would imagine were Wanda’s private thoughts as she listened to our grand plans and what she may have said to herself that ultimately lead to her speaking out.

In the end, I will give Wanda credit for this… she never said, “I told you”.

August 14, 2009 Posted by The daughter | advice, Mothers and Daughters, relationships | advice, love, male/female relationships, mother/daughter, motherly love | Leave a Comment