Life with Wanda

The mother/daughter relationship is unique and complicated, but very much universal. No matter our ethnic background, nationality or religion, there are fundamental dysfunctions that exist between mothers and daughters. Think about it… we all watch movies like Postcards from the Edge or The Joy Luck Club and immediately relate to these stories. Most women have that one thing that their mother does that they are determined NOT to do… I am no different.

If there is one thing, above all else, that drives me crazy about Wanda it would be her incessant lateness. I don’t know what it is that makes her unable to be on time for ANYTHING, but it literally drives me insane. I was so convinced she was going to be late for my wedding that I made her spend the night at my hotel to get dressed with me in the morning. I didn’t want to run the risk that she would be late and I would have to delay the ceremony so she didn’t miss it.

When I really think about it, there was this one time when she was late that will go down in the record books…

I don’t get back home to New York as often as I would like, but thankfully, every now and then my job affords me the opportunity to go to the city for business trips. And, if I’m lucky, I get a few hours free to see family and friends. It was on one such trip that I found myself with an entire day free to hang out… and I decided to spend it with Wanda. The weather in New York was wonderful and I wanted to check out some of the summer street festivals that were happening in and around the city. Wanda lives a stones throw from the city, just on the other side of the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey. She was in the middle of doing some renovations on her house and was excited to share them with me… so we set a plan for the day. I would take the ferry over first thing in the morning, she would scoop me up, take me to the house to peek at the renovations and within the hour we would be on the ferry heading back to the city.

Knowing my Wanda as I do, having a “plan” didn’t actually mean that things would go according to schedule. Through the years, I’ve learned to go into one of two modes: “prepare” or “prevent”. That day I chose “prevent”. A conversation with Wanda in “prevent” mode goes something like this: “pls don’t be late… I am NOT going to wait around all day for you… are you sure you’ll be on time… pls be on time… are you running behind schedule? Maybe we should push back by an hour so you won’t be late”. Wanda assured me that she was not only going to be on time but that she was going to get up early the next morning to ensure that she was on time… I believe she said something like “yes, I will be on time… you watch, I am going to surprise you”. Ooooo a challenge! Could she do it? Would Wanda actually be on time? Early perhaps?

The next morning, much to my surprise, Wanda called me bright and early. She was up, knocking out some last minute chores and would be well ahead of schedule. Great! This was already starting out as a very good, RARE, day and so far things were on schedule. Three hours later, I called Wanda to check that she was still running on time. She was. So I departed the hotel and headed to the pier to catch the 11am ferry, which was scheduled to arrive in NJ at 11:15am. I knew better than to believe that Wanda would actually be waiting at the ferry when I arrived, so I thought it prudent to call her again from the ferry to let her know I was on my way. Again she said she was. Since she lived less than 15 mins from the pier, even if she left soon after my call, she would still arrive at the pier no later than 11:30am.

An hour and a half later, Wanda still hadn’t arrived. Do you know how frustrating it is to sit at the pier and continue to watch boats come and go… passengers being greeted by waiting loved ones, only to be the last person standing on an empty pier… for SIX consecutive ferry arrivals? Do you think she called? Nope. Do you think she answered the phone when I called? Nope. Was I worried that something had actually happened? Nope. Finally, the professor answered their home phone and told me she was on her way… (which is code for “she’s still here but has instructed me to tell you she’s already left the house”). Ugh, oh Wanda.

Finally, just as I was contemplating getting back on the ferry and continuing with the rest of my day, Wanda arrives. All smiles and very apologetic, Wanda pulls up with a quick honk and motions me to get in the car. Nope. Not this time. There was another ferry arriving in 3 mins and I was determined to get on it. I tried my best to remain mad at her and to stand firm in my resolve to leave. But Sybil must have known that although “Wanda” screwed up, “Mom” was needed to bail her out of this situation.

Ever since I was a little kid I’ve found it hard to stay mad at her. She would climb into bed with me and hug and kiss me until we were both laughing, forcing me to forgive all. And true to form, “Mom” hopped out of the car and came to me. She adorned me with hugs and kisses all while I tried hard not to laugh or cave in. But alas, she gets me every time. Once again Mom comes to the rescue to save Wanda’s butt. And although this event still remains at the top of my Wanda Frustration List, the rest of the day was lovely and went according to plan… of course it did, now that I was in control of the schedule. Oh, Wanda.

I wish I could say that this was (or will be) the last time Wanda was late. But it wasn’t… nor is it not going to be. One of our typical arguments when she’s late goes something like this, I yell, “you’re going to be late for your own funeral”. To which she responds, “no I won’t because you’ll make sure I’m there on time!” And you know what? She’s right! Maybe not in life, but definitely in death… Wanda WILL be on time! LOL